People with an anxious attachment style don’t act clingy or needy towards their partners all the time. Fails to compliment something different, such as new clothes, or hairstyle.Comes home late or fails to respond to messages/calls.Acts too friendly/flirty with someone else.Forgets important events such as an anniversary.Therefore, they expect this pattern to continue in their romantic relationships – so they do everything in their power to prevent it.

The way their desire for affection and intimacy was met in their formative years taught them that both themselves and their needs were unimportant. Remember – the reason why someone with an anxious attachment style thinks and acts the way they do is rooted in their childhood. Ultimately, the anxious attacher’s low self-esteem causes them to think that they’re not good enough to retain a partner’s interest in the long run. Why Do Anxious Partners Behave the Way They Do?ĭeep down, someone with an anxious attachment style believes that as soon as their partners get to know the “real them,” they’ll lose interest and reject them. The traits of this attachment style can even trigger avoidant strategies in a partner and cause them to withdraw from a relationship. Inevitably, anxious attachment relationship issues can be destructive to one’s love life. Difficulty expressing or understanding your intense emotions.Clinginess and poor sense of boundaries.Jealousy and suspicion of your partner’s actions.Hypervigilance towards any threats to the relationship.Seeking validation and assurance that you are loved, worthy, and “good enough”.Prioritizing the needs of a partner over your own.Being attuned and sensitive to your partner’s needs.On the other hand, being in the company of their loved one makes someone with an anxious attachment style feel comforted and soothed – the cure. This fear leads them to act hypervigilant towards any potential threat to the relationship and constantly require validation and confirmation that their partner loves them. From the poison perspective, the anxious attacher partner deeply fears being rejected or abandoned. In many ways, relationships are both the poison and the cure for someone with an anxious attachment style. If the anxious attacher’s partner fails to respond to their needs in the way they require them to, then the anxious attacher perceives this as confirmation of the fact that they are not worthy of love. However, due to their insecurities and doubts about their self-worth, they often project their uncertainty about themselves onto their partners’ behaviors. What Is Anxious Attachment in Relationships?Įven though romantic connections are something that someone with an anxious attachment style typically craves, they may still find relationships stressful and anxiety-inducing.Īnxious attachers are highly attuned to their partners’ needs and are usually happy to cater to them. The child ultimately ends up confused regarding their relationship with their caregivers – these mixed signals make it very difficult for them to make sense of caregivers’ actions. The caregivers of an anxious child may act supportive and attentive to their child’s needs on occasion, but other times are misattuned and don’t connect with what their child wants. However, if a child interprets their caregivers’ responses to their needs as inconsistent, they may develop an anxious attachment style. In turn, they are indirectly taught that their needs are important and that people, in general, can be trusted. These children understand that their caregivers can be relied upon and they develop a strong emotional connection with them and a sense of safety within their world. Attachment Theory posits that the bond that a child forms with their caregiver(s) in their early years of life (approximately the first eighteen months) influences how they will later approach social interactions and relationships.Ī child develops a secure attachment style in response to caregivers that are attuned and responsive to their needs.

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